Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
