remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
