giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
