Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
