you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize