You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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