and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your cock deserves a montage
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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