I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
