I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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