I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
