I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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