I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
