There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The dick lei will go down in squad history
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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