That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
