dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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