she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
