you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
