my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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