Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dick very happy bro
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
