we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
