Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
