You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
