her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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