I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize