Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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