whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
