Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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