yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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