after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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