Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
