Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
