Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I need water and some morals
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
