I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my liver is dry heaving
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
