I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize