i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
