I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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