After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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