I wish you could order shots online.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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