okay pat passed out under dana's car
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
