I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
