So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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