friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
