I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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