haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
