Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk is a universal language darling
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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