Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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