Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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