So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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