it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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