I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
