was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
