i jhust puked up my retainher.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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