at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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