none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
