He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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