How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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