i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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