I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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