i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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