the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
