Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
