Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
