i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
