What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
