He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
